Michael Jackson’s Feeding Tube Removed

LOS ANGELES — A feeding tube inserted into the stomach of Michael Jackson has been removed, threatening to convert the pop star from an individual in a persistent vegetative state to a “bleached corpse in pajamas.”




Jackson had recently been removed from the ranks of those with nasogastric tubes because according to doctors at L.A. State Hospital, “you can’t have a nasogastric tube went you don’t have a naso.”



But now a Federal Court Judge has made all feeding questions moot. Michael Jackson will no longer have blenderized organs from white women passed directly into his lower stomach. Michael had been appearing persistently late to the court house for his recent trial according to several observers as a result of continually experiencing tube clogging from this procedure.



Asked why Jackson could not simply swallow food, a spokesperson for the icon responded, “His swallowing reflex was lost when a seven year old boy was removed from Michael’s oral cavity while attempting a tonsillectomy on the pop star during a sleep over date. However, the boy was able to perform reconstructive plastic surgery on Jackson’s lower jaw before being extracted.

The parents of the boy have filed a lawsuit against Jackson because in their words, “Johnny entered his mouth to do surgery, not to be chewed on like a piece of meat then nestled into a tongue crevice while the singer read him a bedtime story."